Are you dealing with a child who is the target of bullies? Want it to stop? Of course you do, but are you prepared to do what you need to make that happen?
The reason I ask that question is because the greater majority of people seek solutions, not from within themselves, but from others. They look to other people, places, programs, or even objects as a means to elevate the pain and frustration that they're experiencing. When the reality is that they probably have everything they need to solve the problem already.
Why then do not they just take care of it?
I believe that, to most, the general belief is, it's easier to get someone or something else to fix things. That way, if it does not happen or does not work, there's no personal responsibility involved.
But, you know what?
There's also no sense of personal satisfaction and pride in accomplishing either.
What does this have to do with helping your child to deal with and overcome the abuse of bullies?
You see, most parents are no different in the way they handle the bully issue from what I described above. When seeking a solution to the problem, they look to outside sources rather than taking matters into their own hands.
(No. I do not mean they should go beat up the bully themselves!)
But instead of:
- Talking to the Bully's Parents (who are either the cause of the bullying as bullies themselves, or are in denial because their "baby" would "never" do anything like that …)
- Making School Officials Responsible (as if these people are going to want to choose between a lawsuit from you or one of the bully's parents)
- Changing Schools or Home-Schooling Their Child (as if sheltering the child will make him or her any better prepared for dealing with the adult bullies they'll encounter when they grow up and move out into the big, bad world) , or .. .
- Ask Dr. Phil (or any other "authority" who focuses on the "curing the bully" agenda)
We can look at the reality of the situation and acknowledge that bullying is no different from any other type of attack. And, bullies choose their victims just like any other aggressor.
Really Solving the Problem
Now, I'm not saying that any of the above things do not work. Quite often they do. But, relying on them as a parent only teachers our children that the solution to problems lies outside of themselves and not in their own hands.
It's amazing the lessons we can teach our children without even opening our mouths, is not it?
So, what can we, as parents, do to help to make our child more safe – to make him or her more of what I call, bully-proof? What can we say or do that could possibly make such a radical shift that in almost no time at all, bullies would leave our child alone and move on to easier pickings?
I'm glad you asked!
And, the answer, while simple …
… will require some work, and quite likely some change, on your part.
Changing Your CHILD
Very few ever stop to ask, "why is my child being targeted?" And if they do, they overlook the fact that …
… not every child is the victim of a bully. In fact, even if a bully has a number of goals that he or she goes after on a regular basis … there are some people that they never think of approaching.
Why is that?
It's because these people exhibit some common physical habits and personality characteristics. And …
… these hits are exactly opposite of those displayed by the average 'victim.'
If you want your child to see almost immediate results in both how they view themselves AND how they are seen by others – in this case bullies – make them do the following things. (Yes, I said "make" them do them! After all … you Are the parent, are not you?)
- Stand Up Straight – Shoulders back and level, back straight, head held high. No slouching. No rounded, stooped shoulders. No head hanging down. Too soldier-like for you? Let me ask you … when was the last time you looked at a soldier and thought, I bet he gets taken on ?!
- Make Eye-Contact – Lock on and show people that they're tuned-in and connected. You can always tell the person with the winner spirit in any conversation or conflict – they break eye-contact first, and many can not make it at all. This is universally true, even in the animal world. Even the way animals, especially mammals, are shaped tells this. Predators have their eyes pointing straight out from their heads – pointing at that which they are observing. Prey, on the other hand, have their eyes mounted on the sides of their heads, to be on the lookout for predators and … ESCAPE ROUTES.
- Speak Up – Slow, firm, articulate speech is the hallmark of the leader – the commander. They have no need to rush, to hide, to seek validation. Their presence is conveyed, not just in the physical hits I've already mentioned, but in the tone of their voices. They do not whine, cry, squeak, mumble, or go silent and shy in the presence of others. At least not in public. Even introverts can command the right respect. After all, some of our greatest leaders were natural introverts at heart. But … you'd never know it!
- Take Martial Arts – You know, somewhere in the course of history and the meek inheriting the Earth (there I go, being direct and politically-incorrect again!), The definition of what a gentleman was … changed. Because, historically, a gentleman (or gentile-man) was not gentle. At least not when he needed to act. Gentlemen (and some ladies) were 'required' to know how to defend themselves and those they were responsible for, should the need arise.
That's it. A short, but very important list of the only things you need to "make" your child do to change everything. After all, not being a bully's victim has got to be at least as important as wiping after using the toilet, washing before dinner, and saying "please and thank you" – just a few of the many things you probably already make your child do , regardless if they want to or not.
If you do these things, you will not have to talk to a bully's parents, depend on the police or school officials, or ask Dr. Phil. And, I can guarantee three things:
First, within a very short amount of time, your child will experience less and less "attention" from bullies.
Second – he or she will feel VERY different about themselves, their value and self-worth, and what they are capable of. And …
Last but, by all means, not least … they will grow into the kind of man or woman that you will be extremely proud of – not to mention that others will come to know and trust because they will be able to stand up for what they believe in, take care of themselves, and have the strength and ability to help others.
Now tell me the world does not need more people like that!
Source by Jeffrey Miller